PREAMBLE

Having first written the journal entry below, I’m coming back to acknowledge that it may have some value for the uncounted number of people who struggle to create and maintain healthy romantic relationships, but it is myopic at the same time.   The greater value in understanding and incorporating unconditional love into our lives is  to apply the principles of acceptance and respect to ALL our human relationships!   I am reminding myself daily to not judge others near and far, but rather to accept that everyone . . . everyone is involved in their own struggle through life.  The Buddha teaches us to feel compassion for and to love everyone, including ourselves.

JOURNAL ENTRY

I experienced unconditional love, without having a name for it, for the first time 25 years ago when a woman abruptly ended an intense romantic relationship with me, having withheld her true feelings until one day, literally, when she announced that it was her choice that we would no longer speak or see one another.  Period.  For me, the sudden loss, the shock of finding myself unexpectedly cut off, was intensely painful emotionally.  With no recourse but to accept what had happened, I searched my thoughts and my heart for a way to ease the hurt.  From deep within, a voice told me that beginning to heal meant wishing for her the peace and happiness that I could not find for myself in the moment.  This thought, without parallel in my life up to that point, validated the feelings I held for her and kept me from being swallowed up by anger, blame, a desire to hit back, depression . . . all the negative energies that I did not want to enter in because they would call into question my genuine feelings for her.  I could not lie to myself.

In the literature, unconditional love . . . loving someone unselfishly and without condition . . . is said to be “the most healing force in the universe.” [https://lonerwolf.com/what-is-unconditional-love/]

And the following comes from Psychology Today: ” When love is unconditional, these three signs are usually present.  1) When your partner loves you unconditionally, they love the version of you that’s right in front of them.  There’s no secretly hoping that you’ll change with time, no ideal version they’re waiting on;  2) A lot of love is lost in the expectation of having it returned . . . Keeping score doesn’t help . . . this type of love turns bitter and eventually falls apart; and  3) When your partner thinks of the relationship and what would make you happy before their own ego, pride, and selfish desires, it shows more than just commitment.  Feeling completely safe to be yourself around your partner and experiencing a deep emotional connection without fear of judgment is one of the biggest signs of unconditional love.”

[Psychology Today continues . . . ]

 “A 2020 study published in Frontiers in Psychology proposed a comprehensive theory of love, identifying four core factors— attraction, connection, trust, and respect—that interact to create lasting love . . . Among the four essential components of love, the roles of trust and respect are especially important for creating emotional safety and prioritizing a partner’s happiness.”

[Photo Max Vollmer, Click on image to enlarge]

I spent this past Sunday with my daughter Yukyo at the Dharma Rain Zen Center in Portland, OR.  Yukyo (her given name was Emily)  is a resident at Dharma Rain and a student of Soto Zen Buddhism.  The monestary was co-founded by Kyogten (Gary) Carlson with his wife Gyokuko Carlson in 1986.  Kyogen had this to say about his Buddhist practice: “There is so much to learn and so much to know.  It’s good to keep moving forward.  And yet, whatever we have is, in a very profound way, absolutely complete and always enough.”

Most Sunday mornings at the Zen Center, following meditation, a Dharma Talk (a lesson or teaching) is given by an experienced member of the community.  On this particular day the topic was Seeking Refuge.  It began with a parable known as the Gift Fulfilling Jewel.

In this parable, two old friends, one wealthy and one poor, are eating and drinking wine together. The poor friend drinks himself into a stupor and falls asleep. Early the next morning, the wealthy one must leave on business. Before he leaves, the wealthy friend sews a priceless jewel inside of the robe of his poor friend, who is still asleep. Later, the wealthy man comes across his friend, who is still living in poverty. He points out to his poor friend that all this time there has been a priceless gem hidden inside his robe and that he did not have to be living in poverty.

This parable shows, in simple terms, the principle that every human is endowed with infinite potential and inestimable worth. It teaches us that the key to overcoming the constraints of our present reality, whatever they may be, lies within ourselves.

[Photos Max Vollmer, Click on any image to enlarge]

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk rejection.

To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.  The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.  He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love.  . . .  Only a person who takes risks is free.

–  Anonymous

[Photo Max Vollmer, Click on image to enlarge]

The saying “the truth hurts” is familiar to almost everyone. Yet how many understand that we should welcome having our eyes opened.  Pain can open the body and mind to what is before us that we have been unable or unwilling to see. Prejudices die, knowledge grows, wounds are healed, dangers are averted. Facing the reality of things deepens our understanding of ourselves and others.  [Photo Max Vollmer, Click on image to enlarge]

Clouds will bring rain tomorrow, but this evening there was a sunset that looked like the interior of the island was on fire, and a full moon rose at virtually the same time across the harbor.  For me, this was a sign of balance and harmony.  I spotted the moonrise on the horizon because a tour ship passing in front of Karl’s house caught my attention just as a slice of moon appeared over the water to the east.   Can you spot it?  [All photos Max Vollmer, Click on any image to enlarge]