PREAMBLE

Having first written the journal entry below, I’m coming back to acknowledge that it may have some value for the uncounted number of people who struggle to create and maintain healthy romantic relationships, but it is myopic at the same time.   The greater value in understanding and incorporating unconditional love into our lives is  to apply the principles of acceptance and respect to ALL our human relationships!   I am reminding myself daily to not judge others near and far, but rather to accept that everyone . . . everyone is involved in their own struggle through life.  The Buddha teaches us to feel compassion for and to love everyone, including ourselves.

JOURNAL ENTRY

I experienced unconditional love, without having a name for it, for the first time 25 years ago when a woman abruptly ended an intense romantic relationship with me, having withheld her true feelings until one day, literally, when she announced that it was her choice that we would no longer speak or see one another.  Period.  For me, the sudden loss, the shock of finding myself unexpectedly cut off, was intensely painful emotionally.  With no recourse but to accept what had happened, I searched my thoughts and my heart for a way to ease the hurt.  From deep within, a voice told me that beginning to heal meant wishing for her the peace and happiness that I could not find for myself in the moment.  This thought, without parallel in my life up to that point, validated the feelings I held for her and kept me from being swallowed up by anger, blame, a desire to hit back, depression . . . all the negative energies that I did not want to enter in because they would call into question my genuine feelings for her.  I could not lie to myself.

In the literature, unconditional love . . . loving someone unselfishly and without condition . . . is said to be “the most healing force in the universe.” [https://lonerwolf.com/what-is-unconditional-love/]

And the following comes from Psychology Today: ” When love is unconditional, these three signs are usually present.  1) When your partner loves you unconditionally, they love the version of you that’s right in front of them.  There’s no secretly hoping that you’ll change with time, no ideal version they’re waiting on;  2) A lot of love is lost in the expectation of having it returned . . . Keeping score doesn’t help . . . this type of love turns bitter and eventually falls apart; and  3) When your partner thinks of the relationship and what would make you happy before their own ego, pride, and selfish desires, it shows more than just commitment.  Feeling completely safe to be yourself around your partner and experiencing a deep emotional connection without fear of judgment is one of the biggest signs of unconditional love.”

[Psychology Today continues . . . ]

 “A 2020 study published in Frontiers in Psychology proposed a comprehensive theory of love, identifying four core factors— attraction, connection, trust, and respect—that interact to create lasting love . . . Among the four essential components of love, the roles of trust and respect are especially important for creating emotional safety and prioritizing a partner’s happiness.”

[Photo Max Vollmer, Click on image to enlarge]